every time I start to believe things will change, people only prove me dead wrong. and no, this is not meant to be a sob story but merely my perspectival observation of the evolution of my personality and character.

I try to be nice. I really do. but then I become irritated, dissapointed. dissapointed at the unnappreciativeness of people, dissapointed that the times when I do get off my arse and accomplish something, it goes unnoticed, and I get very little out of it other than that I feel good about my self for a very short period of time, which is then crushed and diminished by the fact that no one else notices or cares, it shows me just how irrelevant I am, and makes me feel like I must be wrong if I’m the only one who thinks I’ve actually done anything useful.

the combination of loneliness and the fact that I simply can’t HELP but observe the faults and flaws in character of so much of the human race, the corruption, greed, and mal intent drives me to feel resentment, lose hope in everyone. which is WHY I’m the pessimistic, bitter, cold, and resentful person I sometimes am, because I’m not blissful or lucky enough to be able to simply over-look the hideous truths of this world like many people somehow do.

in short, I am turning into a cold, bitter, hopeless person, and no one cares about me enough to even want to save me because I pushed all of my friends away by not giving them the attention they need and deserve as friends.

I think I’m just going to give up on sobriety..

if I do, I lose EVERYTHING. BUT, seeing as how I’m pretty much losing everything ANYWAY. :c ‘___’ what’s the point.

also, deleting this blog very soon.
I can only be glad of one thing, and that is that most people are much happier than I am, as practically everyone is blessed with at LEAST one good, close friend with whom they speak with on a regular basis.

if you have even one loyal friend, do everything you possibly can for that friend, treasure them and never let them go, love them, treat them properly, because if you take a large friend base for granted like I did, you will end up with few, if any friends like I did.

it’s just that certain people are less physically blessed, going by the basic aesthetic perspective of the majority, and I’m not afraid to point that out if you’re going to be an ungrateful ass. [otherwise, I would NEVER share such a cruel opinion. again, I am only an ass to those who are truly, TRULY deserving, and the only time I’d ever try to make anyone feel ugly is if they are ugly on the inside, which is the only time anyone EVER deserves to not feel beautiful. and even then you have to REALLY push me to get me to that point, because even if I feel strongly about something so hurtful I will, 95% of the time bite my tongue about it.]

oh, alright.
so you think I’m obsessed with you just because I’m being nice to you for no reason?

has it ever occured to you that perhaps I’m just a kind person who enjoys making people feel good about themselves? and I figured that, well, because of your cruel and unfortunate genes, you might [MIGHT, I mean considering that even a lot people 10x more attractive than you do] have a fairly low self confidence and could use a self esteem boost, like a random compliment from a distant acquaintance such as myself?

so many conceited pieces of shit in this world.

I mean I guess it’s what happens when people have terrible confidence their whole lives, they either get so tired of it that they’d rather just be arrogant OR they’ve spent so much times desperately trying to tell themselves that they’re beautiful [which they ARE, in their own, sometimes unique way. everyone is, really. .___.] that they accidentally turned themselves conceited.

people who try to troll with the whole “nigger” and “faggot” things, like posting gore and being like “LOL LOOK A DEAD NIGGER” or whatev.

some forms of it, in which a humorous element, for instance stereotype [NOT THE SUPER OBVIOUS ONES LIKE “LOL LOOK A NIGGER EATING CHICKEN LOL I BET HER NAME’S SHANAYNAYLEEKREEAQUEESHA AND SHE GOT FIH-TEEN BABY DADDIES DAT OWE HURR CHILD SUPPORT LOLOL” is involved, CAN be funny. but shit like this…?

“Eazy-E Died of AIDS… HAHAHAHA! GAY AND A NIGGER! PRICELESS” “We should have another holocaust. This time we’ll target all the niggers. We didn’t kill enough of them. Who wants in?” “ADD ME FAGGOTS, TALK SHIT.”

NO. I’m not going to write off a person like that as ENTIRELY unoriginal, because for all I know that’s not the only jokes they tell or even the base of their sense of humor. I will, however, think of you as immature, crude, stupid, and I will think of you as being someone who has a poor sense of humor and probably someone with zero sense of creativity or observational humor, low self confidence, and a really shitty personality.

and even though I’m far better than thinking of /anyone/ as a lesser person than /anyone/, I will be really, really tempted to not think of you as the shit of the earth, being both unable to contribute anything to society that requires deeper, “out of the box” kind of thinking, AND being a SHAMELESS, self-righteous and self-centered fuck with no regaurd for others, not even being able to humor them with your shitty sense of humor but THINKING that you can, when in all actuality you’re only entertaining people like yourself, people who you are AFRAID of you, and the people who laugh at your pathetic self. you think you’re just the mutt’s nuts, when you really don’t even deserve the title of “mutt”.

and it’s honestly fucking pathetic how many people you get to treat you as if you’re just the most admirable thing on the planet simply because they’re afraid of you, and afraid that you and your legion of mindless followers will target, mock, bully them, and most of all take advantage of their insecurities and tear down their sense of self-worth, and being nameless on the internet [most likely] they will have little to no way to sufficiently and repeatedly defend themselves against the hoards of others you’ve either brain-washed using a the same tactic of fear, OR the hoards of anons that will willingly join you in the attack because they’re just as insecure and pathetic as you, and they want to feel like they have power by knowing that they possess the ABILITY to make you feel like shit.

and NO, I AM NOT trying to be a judgemental asshole or condemn any sort of humor if that’s what floats your boat, what I’m condemning so vehemently is the type of person who goes for shock value and tries to makes themselves appear bold not only by being shamelessly fearless with the way they openly degrade others in general, but ALSO by bullying others who don’t agree with their shitty-ass sense of humor.

I’m just so fucking tired of people being so accepting of these self-righteous fucktards. I just wish people would stand the fuck up for themselves and not tolerate this ludicrous BULLSHIT.

..I wish I were secure and confident enough to stand the fuck up for myself and tell these people that directly instead of just writing these rants that no one reads. -.- but believe me, I’m working on it.

and even when I become strong and confident, I’m going to remain KIND, and I’m only going to go off on people who truly deserve it, NOT because of their personal beliefs or whatever, even if they’re stupid as FUCK in my opinion, because see that? THAT would be called pushing my beliefs on others. I’m only going to go off on those who, with that mindset and attitude, use it to hurt others. because people who over-analyze others to detect their flaws and insecurities and use it against them need a taste of their own awful medicine.